What... (i.e. camp, dance class, birthday party)
        
 
Pick a NYMetroParents Region: All Regions   Manhattan    Brooklyn    Queens    Westchester    Rockland   Fairfield    Nassau    Suffolk  

Resources

   

HOW SHOULD I DEAL WITH MY CHILD'S DEMANDS AND FRUSTRATIONS?

     Home  >  Articles  > News & Tips: Special Needs
by NYMetroParents Staff

Related: how to respond to children's demands, how to deal with a child's frustration, how to not give in to a child's demands, calming kids when they're frustrated,


Brooklyn-based social worker Michael Matasci, LMSW, who has almost two decades of experience working with stressed families and challenged children, provides tips for parents on how to deal with their child’s demands and calm their frustrations in a constructive and successful way, without blowing up or giving in.

 

frustrated little girlGiving in to your kids’ demands seems like the easiest way to stop them from annoying, nagging, and whining. But does that really serve your child’s best interest? Does caving in—so you can have a few moments to finish your coffee in the morning—really help them in the long run?

More than likely, by giving in you are teaching your kids that they can get what they want at your expense. And even worse, this will teach them that their behavior 'pays off.'

Instead, try to give them 10 minutes of feeling frustrated, without giving in or placating them with promises of a reward.

Let them learn how to endure their own frustration. The silent treatment, when you are firm, will not feed into their whining and demanding noises. Let them see you are not frustrated, but rather that you are firm in your intention not to cave in to their every demand.

 

How do we find a compromise?

Notice if they are experiencing other feelings of anger or anxiety and, once they’ve calmed down, let them know you’ve heard their concerns and are now willing to problem solve. But never do this when they are escalating—or, as I like to put it, when they’re at a ‘10’ on a scale from 1 to 10 (the most angry, upset, frustrated)—since this is when they can’t reason or relate rationally enough. Let them cool down, and then you can voice your concerns and let them express their concerns. From that point, negotiate a reasonable solution together.

 

What if my child has special needs?

If your child has learning difficulties or an inability to “read” your signals, such as a no-nonsense facial expression, then perhaps more help may be needed from an experienced professional. But typically, the child would benefit from extra patience and understanding.

 

Giving in to your child’s frustrations seems like the easiest path. But with a little bit of patience, and after teaching your child the skills that will allow him/her to build a tolerance, feelings of frustration will be gradually replaced by a more confident and self-controlled child.

 

Michael Matasci, LCSW, has almost 20 years experience working with stressed families and challenged children. Matasci received his master’s in social work from Fordham University and currently provides psychotherapy and counseling services for adolescents and adults in Brooklyn. To contact Matasci, email [email protected]

 

Also see:

How to Not Spoil Your Kids

How to Handle a Child Who Back Talks

How to Raise a Generous and Appreciative Child

 


Get Your FREE Indoor Activity eGuide!

More News & Tips: Special Needs Articles

Bounce! Trampoline Sports Offers Sensory Bounce Time
South Setauket Center Helps All Children Feel ‘Loved to Pieces’
Variety Child Learning Center Opens Second Location
Tips for Eating Gluten-Free at Every Restaurant
Teaching Your Child with Special Needs Difficult Skills

Be a good fellow parent and share this with a friend who would be interested
Email Friend

Local News & Tips: Special Needs Sponsors

Simons, Loralyn
917-856-5884
If your child struggles with math, private tutorin...

Maria Fareri Children's Hospital
100 Woods Road
Valhalla, NY
914-493-7000
Recognized as a national leader in pediatric care...

Pedigree Ski Shop
355 Mamaroneck Ave.
White Plains, NY
914-948-2995
Pedigree Ski Shop is the best shop carrying skis, ...

SmartStart Early Childhood Center, Inc
8411 Fort Hamilton Parkway
Brooklyn, NY
718-921-1868
Register now for our 2-year-old, 3-year-old, or 4-...

Just Kidding at Symphony Space
2537 Broadway
New York, New York
212.864.5400
Introduce Your Children to the Arts with the Best ...
See Our News & Tips: Special Needs Directory

local zones

Nassau

Nassau cont.

Suffolk

Suffolk cont.

Westchester

Westchester cont.

Fairfield

Rockland

Rockland cont.

Queens

Queens cont.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn cont.

Manhattan

Copyright 2014 NY Metro Parents Magazine Site Design: THE VOICE