What... (i.e. camp, dance class, birthday party)
        
 
Pick a NYMetroParents Region: All Regions   Manhattan    Brooklyn    Queens    Westchester    Rockland   Fairfield    Nassau    Suffolk  

Resources

   

HOW PARENTS CAN DEAL WITH A CHILD WHO BACK TALKS: ADVICE FROM THE EXPERTS IN MANHATTAN

     Home  >  Articles  > Child Raising
by NYMetroParents Staff

Related: ask the experts, manhattan, back talk, children, kids, parents, advice, tips, how to, discipline, child raising, nyc, new york, ny,


For kids, back talk is often a developmentally normal method of asserting independence from parents. We asked the experts on child discipline in Manhattan how parents can discourage this bad behavior.

 

back talker; boy with duct tape over his mouth"Nooooooooo!!!"

"You just don't understand."

"It's NOT fair!" (Pout.)

(Sneer.) "What's the big deal?"

If you've got a child in your home older than, well, one, you've heard it, too: Back talk, persistent and strong, is a standard rite of passage. And depending upon a child's age, it's often characteristic of a developmental milestone - it signifies a child trying to exercise more control over his or her own life, and to designate clear boundaries, assert independence.

But not matter how many times you read about the "why's" for the bad behavior, you surely still need help with how to handle it. As Marina Doulova, a Queens psychiatrist, indicates, "If this is a new behavior, it is essential to determine the triggers for these behavioral changes." That will often inform how to deal with the behavior.

For some general direction, we asked local experts to answer:

 

What advice or words of wisdom can you offer a parent who is dealing with a child who back talks?

 

"Behavior modification is the key. What we have found to be an effective tool in our classroom at FasTracKids is something that can be used by parents at home. We use the green, yellow, and red light (or card) system. Everyone starts out in green, but if a child doesn't obey class rules then he gets a warning and a yellow card. If the poor behavior persists, then a red card - in our case, a red card means that we will talk to the parent. At home, I would suggest that if your child talks back or uses curse words, you should give them a warning (a yellow card). If the behavior persists, then there needs to be a consequence - taking away a Gameboy or some other favorite toy for a period of time should do the trick!"

 - Bharti Malkani, FasTracKids, with locations in the Upper West Side and Upper East Side

 

"There are different behavioral techniques applied to children according to their age groups. Younger children 2-5 years old can be managed simply by setting limits. It is important not to respond back. Be a role model for your child by staying in control of your own emotions. Give a warning prior to punishment (in the form of time outs) if behavior continues.

For children 5-12, initially try to point out the negative behaviors to the child. A reward or punishment system can be implemented for specific behaviors to improve outcomes. If a child uses curse words, label the word(s) as inappropriate, and then provide examples of how to express the feeling by using appropriate words instead. Do not forget to evaluate your own and other family members' behaviors at home as well as other contributory factors.

Children older than 12-13 years of age can be managed by providing specific time for complaints and requests. Use negotiation techniques if it is possible."

 - Dr. Marina Doulova, ABC Psychiatric Services, Forest Hills

 

 

Also see: Our complete list of expert advice on dealing with a back talker

More advice on practical parenting issues in our Ask the Experts section

 


Send Me More Info

Enter the code: 5293                   
Please send me NYMetroParents weekend highlights newsletter.


Did you find this helpful?

Get more useful parenting info weekly
Sign-up for newsletter


More Child Raising Articles

How Parents Can Deal with a Child Who Back Talks: Advice from the Experts in Manhattan
How to Raise Self-Confident Kids: Advice from the Experts in Manhattan
How to Handle a Child's Frustration with Sports: Advice from the Experts in Manhattan
How to Teach Teeth Brushing Basics to Young Children: Advice from Dental Experts in Manhattan
Parent Support Groups in Manhattan

Be a good fellow parent and share this with a friend who would be interested
Email Friend

Local Child Raising Sponsors


Broadway Bound Kids
St. Michael's Church, 225 W. 99th St.
New York, NY
917-300-8554
Belt out show tunes, create scripts, become songwr...

Just Kidding at Symphony Space
2537 Broadway
New York, New York
212.864.5400
Introduce Your Children to the Arts with the Best ...
Art Parties
917-952-1015
...
Magical Productions
several locations, NY
718-928-9709
...

Field Station: Dinosaurs
One Dinosaur Way
Secaucus, NJ
855-999-9010
9 MINUTES FROM MANHATTAN, 90 MILLION YEARS BACK IN...
See Our Child Raising Directory

local zones

Nassau

Nassau cont.

Suffolk

Suffolk cont.

Westchester

Westchester cont.

Fairfield

Rockland

Rockland cont.

Queens

Queens cont.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn cont.

Manhattan

Copyright 2014 NY Metro Parents Magazine Site Design: THE VOICE