Being a mom and a partner can be tough. From the moment that your child is born all your genetic material calls to you to make this child your priority. To make sure it survives in this perilous world. Unfortunately it is this exact thing that can create a huge divide between you and your partner. Until your child is born you put your relationship with your partner first. Suddenly that is no longer the case and that can cause severe strain between the two of you, strain that can stretch a marriage to breaking without a little care and keeping.
Here are five things that you can do to make sure your partner feels loved:
Do for your partner the things that make him or her feel loved.
This is easier said than done because we don’t always know what makes our partner feel loved. In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman lists five ways that someone wants to be loved: physical touch, words of affection, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Both you and your partner should go 5lovelanguages.com and take the test so that you can learn what you each need to feel loved.
Tell your partner that you love them.
I hear it all the time. I tell a client to tell their partner that they love them and my client says, “He/She knows that I love them.” Maybe this is true and maybe it is not. Regardless, you should look your partner in the eye and tell him or her every day that you love them. It means a lot for people to be told that they are loved, or that they are beautiful, or that you miss them. They might “know it” already, but words are very meaningful.
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Touch your partner.
Touch is one of the most primeval ways to communicate with another person. Long before there were words, scientists say, humans beings communicated with gestures and touch. Animals still do. We know the importance of touch with our babies, that touch encourages bonding and trust. Take that same perspective with your partner. Hug them when they walk in the door, take their hand in the store, wrap yourself around them when you go to sleep at night. Touching your partner will speak volumes about the love that you have for them.
Be kind to your partner.
I know this seems basic, but it is something that gets lost in the chaos of family a life. I know, from personal experience, that as our family grew, as my life became more stressful, I took it out on my husband—I nit picked and nagged and snapped and even yelled at him for things that were often not his fault. And I saw the hurt in his eyes every time I did it. I would take it all back if I could. My not being kind to him created a chasm between us that was hard to repair
Give your partner freedom.
You know the saying “If you love someone let them go.” Often, amidst the chaos of every day life, we cling to our partners as a life raft, needing them with us always to keep us from drowning in the messiness. This clinginess can actually drive someone away, however, because your partner will become resentful of your need to constantly have them by your side. Both of you should regularly have some time away from the chaos, sometimes together and sometimes apart. We were all individuals once, before we became a couple and then a family, and it’s important to nurture that individual in ourselves, so that we can be a better partner and a better parent.
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