Ask the Expert: Potty Training 101 with The Potty Whisperer

The Potty Whisperer, Adriana Vermillion gives parents advice, tips, and information on potty training children, from what age children should begin potty training, to facing difficulties and challenges with the potty training process. 

We all know that potty training can be challenging, but why do you think parents tend to run out of patience during the process more quickly than a professional would? 

A: I totally agree with the idea of potty training being a challenging milestone, however as a professional potty trainer I begin with the end in mind and look at it as a milestone versus challenge. A parent may look at it the same way in most cases, however I need to also acknowledge the emotional attachment a parent has towards the child and familiarity sometime can definitely create a bit of trouble for most.

If a parent tries to rush potty training, will that added stress slow down the process with the child?

A: Added stress can sometimes slow down anything in life, however for a child is different. It actually creates an anxiety factor and once it is formed it is hard to break because we deal with trust and fear. Potty training is exactly that — training, and because every child is unique time should not be a factor but growth.

How does a parent know when it’s the right time to begin potty training?

A: A parent will know when it’s time to potty by having and keeping an open relationship with his/her child. Children communicate in different ways. A child’s brain offers signals to a child when it’s time to peruse potty training, however many times a parent may miss these opportunities due to the fast pace of life, and a prep time may ne necessary if a deadline is approaching such as preschool, camps or Summer altogether.

We’ve all read that potty training is a process. What does your boot camp entail—and are the kids potty trained at the end of the boot camp session (5 days)?

A: Potty Training is a process, absolutely! A Potty Training Boot Camp is just that: a camp! Kids come together and learn the skill of going potty, just like their new friends. The Potty Whisperer offers three levels of potty training and our five- or six-day camp covers our Basic Plan. A child will learn what, where and when, however each camper will learn skills during a camp and in combination with handouts we offer parents, most get to Complete on their own, however our focus is Basic Training during our short camp.

From your experience, what do parents get most frustrated by when attempting to potty train their child on their own?

A: Attempting to potty train on your own as a parent is a beautiful thing, however it can get dirty pretty quickly if you try to follow books, or tips from friends, browsers, etc. 95% of our clients report communication to be the number one issue before and during potty training with us. 

Is letting the potty training process linger over too long a time period problematic?

A: Letting the potty training linger for too long a time can be problematic, however that depends from child to child. 

My 3 1/2-year-old son is finally letting us know when he has to go and hasn’t been having accidents often, but when he watches tv or gets super-involved in a puzzle or other endeavor, he forgets and wets himself. We tried putting underpants under his pull-ups so he would feel the wetness, but it doesn’t seem to bother him, and he laughs. What advice can you offer?

A: We all know potty training is a process and like just about anything we approach it with the end in mind and from the core. I believe your child is smiling because he desires for you to like him, and accept him just because he is cute, however when you keep him in both worlds (pull-ups and underwear), as a parent or caregiver we tell the child: “I don’t trust you, therefore I am protecting myself”. As a professional I suggest spending some time with your child talking about potty training, what it is and why he needs to train. Given the time, reason, and faith in your child I believe he will follow your lead, however don’t forget to play follow the leader! 

Does it matter if we train our boy to sit down on the toilet to urinate or if he stands?

A: When training a boy, it sure matters, however know that everything will happen in its due time, and since we use the term "training" in our potty endeavor keep in mind it is a part of the process in becoming a Big Boy.

Are incentives such as stickers or Hershey’s Kisses ultimately helpful or harmful in the long run?

A: Incentives such as stickers, toys, candy can be harmful, and if it does not seem as so at the moment, I believe in the long run the results are not lasting. In my training I do not use any rewards. Research show how in time after offering our children a reward/punishment approach to discipline (train) it is harmful and if you look at our reward/punishment focused culture from schools to religious groups to play groups the results are devastating across America. Short answer? Harmful! 

If we thought our child was ready for potty training and then realized she just isn’t getting it—is there any harm in calling it quits for a while and then resuming toilet training when she shows more readiness signs?

A: I like the saying “follow your instinct” because when you know/think your child is ready to start training that is the best time to do it. She is most likely in that very early phase of toilet training. If you stop and try to reboot you may run into the stubborn (a.k.a I don’t trust you phase) and it may be harder for her and you to train. My  suggestion is when you start, go forward by making it a part of your lifestyle, and before you know it she will graduate with smiles on her face.

My child is 4 and is still having frequent peeing accidents—should I be concerned that there may be an underlying problem, or just be more patient?

A: I would not worry about anything, however if your child has been potty trained for over a year and accidents continue on a regular basis, I suggest you look at your family’s schedule as a whole and see if stress or anxiety may be a problem for your child. If schedules and family is relatively peaceful I suggest you speak to a close friend who may have older children and graduated from this phase in her life, before you approach his/her pediatrician or medicate your child.